Fathers, I have a question for you: “Who gets your best?” The best of your energy, your time, your heart, your attention? Stop reading, take 60 seconds, and ponder that question. Is it your boss? Your clients? Your startup? Your side project? The people you serve at church?
I wish someone had challenged me with that question a decade ago. Back then, I was a 28-year-old father of 2 with a young marriage, launching a new startup, planting a church, and ultimately trying to impact the world. I brought the best of my time, focus, and attention to my work, to things outside of my home. And whatever was leftover at the end of the day, which wasn’t much, I would bring home to my family. During those years, I was physically present but spent a lot of mental energy anxiously daydreaming of making a difference outside my home.
I praise God that over the past few years, He has been showing me a better way. Through scripture, I have seen God’s call to fathers to turn their hearts towards their families. Through community with other fathers leading their family teams, I have gained a greater vision for stepping into my role as a father with intentionality and purpose. My eyes have been opened to see that a father can make the most lasting impact when he is fully alive living as a son, has his heart turned towards his family, and is openly partnering with God.
Does this mean I no longer care about making an impact outside the home? Not at all! My vision for my company, church, and global impact has actually increased. I am more passionate about these things than I have ever been. But I’m no longer cheating on my family to accomplish them. My vision of impacting the world now includes my family instead of eclipsing it.
Men, I am calling us to a new level of fatherhood. Let’s turn our hearts toward our wives and our children like we’ve never done before. Let’s repent in prayer and ask God for a vision bigger than ourselves. Let’s bring our best to our families and not the leftovers. Let’s partner with our Heavenly Father in leading the team that He has given us as we step into the next decade.
So, where do you start? If this challenge resonates with you, here are some practical steps that I have taken over the past few years:
- Pray and ask God for his vision of fatherhood.
- View your family as your primary team and start leading them the same way you would lead another team at work or on the field.
- Meet with other fathers to learn from, and discuss the practical about the conversation with me at iamreddoor.org/fatherhood
- Train to become a better father. Discuss, read, listen, learn from other Fathers
- Seek out resources to learn from. Good places to start include the 5-minute Fatherhood podcast, 2 Cent Dad podcast, Family Revision, www.familyteams.com, www.homeroomonline.com.
- Ask your wife for an honest assessment of how you are doing as a father.
- View your kids and spouse as vital teammates with unique gifts that God has ordained to partner with you.
- Shift from “I have to…” to “I get to ….”
- Spend time thinking and strategizing on what it means to win as a family, what your strengths are, and what may be holding you back from winning.
- Implement intentional family rhythms like a weekly family meal and weekly team meeting.
- Define a family mission.
- Involve your kids in your work when possible, start a side business together or do a project together.
